Tonight I decided to go mow the grass, something I have to do about twice a week to keep the really tall, spindly grasses that my lawn mower won't cut down. When I was done, I dragged the hose around (yes, friends, I now have outside water and a realy hose with which to water my plants.) As my thirsty plants gratefully lapped up the water from the hose, my neighbor, a man of about 40 came home. We waved and he came into my yard and we started talking.
I learned again that you never know what other people are going through, or have gone through. He told me his story of love and life, the death of his one true love and how he wonders if that hole can ever be filled. He told me about his dark days, sadness, and anger, and how last week he'd finally had enough of having to take a gun with him to work in a bad section of town in order to protect himself and he said, "Okay, God, I give up!" Two minutes later his phone rang and it was a good friend and former boss calling to ask him to come work for him in a less dangerous section of town. He started that job yesterday. He said he learned that a lot of people had been praying for him about his work situation and his happiness. He had no idea that there were so many people in his corner.
I guess God does wait for us to 'give up' on our own ways, our own thoughts of how things should be, before answering prayers and showing us the way. Even though we don't understand (and yes, there's plenty I still don't understand) if we have patience and faith, we will often be told the answers.
Father/Mother God, thank You for sharing your truths through a new friend whom I wouldn't have met if bad things hadn't happened in my life.
Blessings and Peace,
Jill
- Location:Somewhere Special
- Mood:
peaceful
Hi everyone. Yes today was definitely Monday!! We were 2 people short at work, although we did have one prn staff come in for several hours today to help. And in spite of that, it went okay. I left early to take my son to the doctor as he had a recurrence of his ingrown toenail. we were there 4 hours. I did take stuff to crochet, so at least I had something to do. Meanwhile said son tells me he wants to start dressing EMO and have an EMO hair style, possibly dying his hair black. :(
After they were done working on his toe, we went to Sonic for a hamburger--he had a chili dog-- and I also wanted one of the mocha chillers. The hamburger was delivered sideways, so all the stuff went to one side. Never mine, I slid it back in place, determined to enjoy one of the few Sonic Burgers I've had in Mississippi. One bite revealed a stale bun, but hey, I was determined to be positive about this. Very soon after, I realized that the burger had mustard--I had requested Maynaise, but hey, a little mustard won't kill me. And the java mocha chiller was great. I finshed my burger and drove home. After parking and gathering my things, I reached down to get the delightful mocha chiller....and the top came off and the entire contents spilled on the floor of my car, which I'd had cleaned--detailed- on Friday! :(
The good news was that I had my shop vac here at home and was able to clean the floor of the car just fine, but still....This day had potential, and it ended up on the bottom of my shop vac!!
Oh well. hopefully it made a good story.
Relisted these in my shop!
Father/Mother God, thank you for giving us a sense of humor with which to view ourselves.
Blessings and Peace,
Jill
- Mood:
tired
Memorial Day weekend is upon us!!! Several of our friends are at a writing conference and I wish them the best. Lots of people have big plans with family and friends. I plan to continue moving things into my new shed.
I finally got the floor painted and sealed and Uh Oh...the floor got really slippery!! I sure wasn't expecting that. The directions on the water sealer state that you can paint oil base paint over the sealer after it's been dry for 30 days. No way did I want to wait that long!!! So I looked around at what I could put over the floor and finally settled on indoor/outdoor carpeting. Since it's low pile and can be swept with a broom and I suppose my shop vac, should I want to, I decided to go with it. It was inexpensive enough that I can replace it if needed. Anyway, I'll put if down tomorrow and move some more things into my shed. I hope to be back to ceramics in a couple weeks!!!
There has been a lot of things going on at work. One of my coworkers' mother was in a serious auto accident in March and, several surgeries later, is recovering from that. This same friend's cousin has a 2 1/2 year old little boy who shot himself in the head with a gun he found belonging to another relative. He's had a lot of problems, surgeries, but good news!!! He got up and took a few steps today for the first time!!!
Another coworker lost almost everything in a house fire. Still 2 other coworkers's husbands have had surgeries that had the potential to be quite serious including post op infections.
I feel very lucky right now to have my problems behind me.
I am aware of a particular individual checking this blog and my Hidden Ridge Road site. I don't know what she expects to find, but in case she looks again, I'm very disappointed in what has happened, and I wonder what will happen with her and her family, as well as to my ex-husband. But I am fine. I will always be fine and I will keep going. Life will bring me new blessings and new dreams will come true. And while I give her part of the blame, I know that most of the blame lies with my ex-husband.
New earrings and necklace in my Etsy shop.
I'm having a sale in my shop for LJ friends! Check out my shop and convo me, Be sure to remind me of your LJ name if it's different than your Etsy name. I'll mark it down 15% and reserve it for you! Sale is good through midnight, Monday night.
Father/Mother God, thank You for friends and help them all throught their times of needs. Thank You for the good things coming my way and help me through any difficult times ahead.
Blessings and Peace,
Jill
- Location:Somewhere special
- Mood: grateful
This actually happened on Thursday, but I haven't had time to post about it until today.
I have been arranging a container garden on the street side of my mobile home on some rickety steps the MH moving company tried to leave me with instead of my own wonderful ones, which my ex did bring over to me after a day or two. Well the moving company never did come to retrieve these steps, so I decided to put them to use.
Many of my plants have come with me from Texas, and yes, they have sentimental value to me. They are part of my family and I moved as many of them here with me in October as I could. One of these older plants is from the palm family. I've had it since 2003 and it has been in the original pot since then. (Yes, I was a bad plant mother.) I decided to repot it this year and proceded to attempt to dig it out of the cheap plastic pot it came from the flower shop itn. I shook out all the dirt in the new pot, dug inside with a spoon, pulled gently on the plant trying to dislodge it. This particular plant has barbs, especially down near the roots, making it very difficult to pull. I continued, not understaning why it was so difficult to dislodge this plant from a pot that was clearly too small. Didn't this plant understand how much happier it would be in a bigger pot. I showed the plant the new pot and tried to persuade it to jump out, but it just stuck me again. Desperate, I grabbed an old scissors and began cutting the pot.
I didn't realize the pot had 2 layers of plastic, so I cut them both and tried again to pull the plant out. It should have been easier since there was more room. But no, the plant clung tightly to its home. I continued to cut and saw that the roots had grown through the bottom layer of the plastic and there was a thick layer of root between the 2 layers of plastic on the bottom. No wonder it wouldn't come out. I tried to move the roots, but ended up having to cut them so I could finally remove the plant from the confining pot. It stuck me again.
I finally got it planted in its new pot and gave it water. It seems happy now and my hands have healed. It occurred to me that I was like that plant, resisting change, unable to see how leaving a pot that no longer fit could be a good thing. And my roots had to be painfully cut before I could be removed from my pot. I haven't fully explored my new pot, but I can see that it is possible that some good will come from this move.
I've still got a ways to go on this garden, and I got some great ideas from visiting my sister, but it will take a while to get it all going.
New listing on Etsy. For the writers.
Father/Mother God, thank you for the lessons we can learn from your creations.
Blessings and Peace,
Jill
- Mood: happy
Today it was back to work. I have a student now, so that will make things more interesting. I love having students.
Father/ Mother God, thank you for friends and family, especially for mothers.
Blessings and Peace
Jill
- Mood: grateful
This brings a lot of mixed feelings. One is relief that this long chapter in my life will soon be over. While I've been doing my best to get on with my life, the fact that the divorce has not been final has always been there. I'm not really married, but not really all the way unmarried.
On the other hand, there is sadness, the loss of my dream of growing more in love with the man I loved, retiring in 5 or 6 years on family land and occupying myself with ceramics and pottery and getting back into writing. Now is the time to make new dreams. I don't really have any new ones yet. I get to decide what I want to do, how I hope life will be. It's kind of exciting, but it seems funny to be doing it at this stage in my life.
I have finally gotten a shed built and am in the process of making it ready to work on my ceramics and pottery. There is stil a lot of work to do before it's ready. I've got 2 coats of paint on the floor and will seal it soon. Then I'll build shelves and move the kiln in. This makes me feel like I'm able to be what I am again.
I know it's dark...
Also, a new set of earrings and a necklace to match on my Etsy shop.
Father/Mother God, I ask that You be with me during this time. I thank You for the good in my life, and I do see that there is a lot of it. Help me to recognize the good You bring my way each day. And if the lessons You've helped me with can be of use to someone else, please help me to know the time.
Blessings and Peace,
Jill
- Mood: content
Well, so much for my hopes to post more often. A lot has been happening lately. Most of it has been good!!
When I last posted, I had just met a man on the internet. We were friendly, and I enjoyed talking to him on the phone and online. A few days later I met him in person. My first impression was that I had really enjoyed him on the phone, but I wasn't sure what to think of him sitting across the table, and I felt really shy about the whole thing. I decided to go with how much I'd enjoyed talking to him, On Feb. 21 he took me to a ball! He is a Shriner, and they had a formal ball honoring the state "president." They had another name for it, but I've forgotten. We danced a lot, and he is a good dancer. I hadn't danced in 20 years, as my soon to be ex didn't care to dance. I've seen him pretty regularly since then, and have really enjoyed getting to know him. He's very different from most of the men I've dated.
I've been working hard, sometimes on Saturdays, but I feel so close to my coworkers. One of them went shopping with me for a dress for the ball and brought things to my dressing room while I just tried things on. I haven't done that in YEARS. One of my coworkers is having triplets, one's wife just had a little boy. One of them is building a new house. Lots of good things going on with them.
My son is going through confirmation classes at church and will be confirmed Sunday, assuming he decides to do it. And I think he will. He has grown and blossomed into such a fun person...yes, he's still a moody 14 year old boy, but lots more fun more of the time. Our relationship is improving, and I was really concerned about just he and I living together.
Along with church is my growing friendship with many of the members. What a gift this has been. I've joined a crochet group that makes prayer shawls to give to people who have had a loss. It's a wonderful ministry, and great fun to hang out with a bunch of women who are learning new things and having fun.
I'm hoping to get my shed built within the next few months so I can get back to ceramics and pottery, but this is taking some time. I've been experimenting with some different things. Here is one of them.
I might even start writing again....My poor book surely thinks I've forgotten it. I really haven't.
And I have planned a time to go visit
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jmeadows this summer!!!Thank you all so much for your friendship. It's meant a lot to me, even though I'm not here as much as I should be. I hope I'l do better.
Father/Mother God, thank You so much for transforming a negative part of my life into something positive, and for letting me know that you are here with me.
Blessings and Peace,
Jill
- Location:Somewhere Special
- Mood: grateful
More later.
Blessings and Peace,
Jill
- Mood:
contemplative
You are The Lovers
Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.
The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.
Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Fortunately my soon to be ex did not attend the same class I am attending. That would have surely pushed me over the brink of what little control I had when it was my turn to talk about my divorce.
I really didn't need this. I already know I'm not supposed to poison my son's mind against his father. It's not necessary anyway. Ex has already done it himself. Most of the time I'm okay with the life that I have now--the closer friendships I have with my coworkers, my new friends at church, who are really very loving and supportive. Most of the time I can look toward a future that contains happiness. It's just bad if I have to explain to anyone what happened. And my son is different from the other kids there. He says he hasn't liked his father for over a year and is happier to be away from him.
It seems that I was the only one who thought we should stay together.
I have to go back next Thursday. My son doesn't have to go. Next week I will sit in the back and hide. And then get back to the business of rebuilding my life.
Father/Mother God, thank you for the blessings of my friends at work, in the community, and at church. Thank You for the love of family you have given me, and the possibilities for the future.
Blessings and Peace,
Jill
- Mood:
sad - Music:Who Knew?
I know some of you don't celebrate Christmas, so please feel free to insert the holiday of your choice. This time of the year is about giving in many cultures. During the year, we work hard and as the year comes to an end, we celebrate our good fortunes by enjoying what we have and giving to others. Many of us will take the time to smile at a stranger and wish them Merry Christmas, and are rewarded by smiles and good wishes back to us.
This year has been quite eventful for me, and I'm hoping for peace next year.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year to you all.
Father/Mother God, thank you for my friends and the beginning of a new life for my son and me.
Blessings and Peace,
Jill
- Mood: peaceful
I'm not very good at it. Which is strange, because I'm normally very good at word games. I don't understand.
Must keep practicing.
- Mood: surprised
And it is going to happen. He is showing his total disregard for me and my son by not having called my son after not having seen or spoken to him in 2 months. We had tornadoes here this week, and then snow and ice the next couple days. (Mississippi obviously has funky weather) Not a call to make sure we were still alive. Even if he doesn't care about me, it seems like he'd want to know about his son.
He has been over the top with spending, while he says he can't afford the small amount I've requested for child support. It's really amazing. And I feel hurt and angry.
I've discovered that I'm a little jealous that he's buying lots of things, possibly for the new girl in Germany (is she moving here?) or maybe new someone here, and possibly to work on some new and expensive hobbies himself, without having to spend time earning the money. I'm grateful for my friends, family, etc. but the plan was that we'd be doing this together when the time came. It doesn't look like my time to relax and enjoy my hobbies without having to work very hard will be coming any time soon. Not even in 5 years like we had planned.
I guess it's good to clarify my feelings to myself. And it's good to have more than just the hurt.
Father/Mother God, thank you for the blessings of clarity. And thank you for my friends and family who have rallied around me during this time. Some of my new friends are amazing, and my relationship with my son is really improving. In the words of one of my totally practical coworkers, "It is what it is."
- Mood:
aggravated
At any rate, I am thankful for the years we had together. We were together for 20 years, and I truly thought those years would continue and we would see our dreams come to be. I loved Jim with all my heart, and still love the man he was and what we had. He helped me escape an abusive husband, and encouraged my passions, while I encouraged his. He was my best friend and my lover. It's gone now, but a lot of people never have that at all. I am better for it. No one should think that I am going to stand by and let him take everything from me now, or that I will cease to grow. Somehow, I will be better because of what he did and my response to it.
I am thankful for my family..my daghters and their husbands and their husbands' families. I am grateful for my son, who is going through this with me, aware that his father has not tried to contact him, and aware of the online affair. He was willing to try to protect us the night that Jim went out to spend the night in his truck with his gun.
I am thankful for my job, which pays me a good salary, and my coworkers, who came to my aid giving me shoulders to cry on, a place to stay while the mobile home was moving and getting set up, and financial assistance. They encouraged me to do what I needed to do, even though it meant more work for them, and my employers did not pressure me into coming back to work sooner than I should.
I am grateful for my friends, both online and offline friends, who gave me emotional support and validation that my response to my husband's actions and the letters I found was normal and understandable. That I was, in fact, nicer than they would have been. I'm sure some of them hated to see me come around, wondering how many tears they'd see, but they stayed and let me cry.
I am grateful for my cats, who come to me day after day seeking love, and attention.
I am thankful for my home, which is warm and comfortable, and for my possessions and hobbies, which give me something to do and ways to express myself. I have food for the table, and clothing for my son and myself.
I am thankful for my talents, which give me opportunities to do new things and meet new people.
I am thankful that I am in good health and am able to work and take care of myself and my son.
And I am grateful for Puffs, which dry my tears while I cry.
Father/Mother God, hear my gratitude and heal my wounds. Help me see the good that will come because of all the unhappiness this year.
Blessings And Peace,
Jill
- Mood: depressed
The Boomers and Beyond Etsy Street Team is having a sale. It is named, as the title says, "It's a Wonderful Sale". Many of the members of this team are having sale sections in their shops, or having a percentage off everything in their shops. There is also a contest where dollars you spend in a participating BBEST shop can help you win a prize!!!.
See this thread on Etsy for a list of participating shops and information about the contest you can enter, simply by getting a fabulous deal.
http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?th
Jean Hood, a wonderful artist from Texas, has these two paintings on sale.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?lis
Echinacea - an original watercolor painting, was $85, now marked down to $65!!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?lis
Orange Eye - Moon bunny, an original watercolor painting was $22, now marked down to $17!!
I am having 20 % off 31 items in my shop, Jill's Treasure Chest.
http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=552
Visit Etsy for great Christmas shopping opportunities without leaving home.
- Mood: cheerful
- Mood: angry
The new phone works differently than my old phone, which I really liked. I'm sorry to see it go, and I had to change my number. They wouldn't let me change my number and keep my old phone, but at least the new one was free. I'm having a tricky time learning how to use it, and now will be learning how to text. I never had that option included in my package. So my horizons are expanding!!!
My son and I went to the store today, and went to buy stuff for wireless internet, so he can be on the internet too. This is all a learning experience for me. I've never even set up my computer before, let alone hook it up to the internet or attempt wireless. Soon I won't be able to refer to myself as technologically challenged.
I've been coming up with a list of positive things about my move--a few include not having Jim. I'm trying to focus on them.
Only one block to work.
Curves, my job, my storage facility and home are all on the same block
No more driving for a mile in the gooshiest mud imaginable to get to or away from home.
Close to stores, restaurants.
Less groceries to buy.
I can use the kind of cooking oil I like.
I can go to bed whenever I want or sit up in bed and read without waking anyone up.
Less laundry to do.
More room in the closet.
More room in bedroom with smaller bed and less furniture.
No listening to someone else snoring all night long--both a good and a bad thing.
No one to use my wine for cooking so I don't have any to drink.
I'm not really fooling anyone, am I? I found a birthday and an anniversary card from this year he gave me. Sounded like a man in love with me in my opinion. Either that, or he's an excellent fiction writer.
Father/Mother God, thank you for my son and my sister. Thank you for my friends. Please grant me clarity and peace.
- Mood:
busy
It will be good to get back to my writing--maybe Lucia will actually figure out a way to prove who the bad guy is-- and to putting new things in my Etsy shop. All I've been able to do is relist things as they expire, and of course, I haven't been able to ship anything that might have sold because everything is in storage. It will be good to be living in my own home again too, instead of out of a suitcase.
Today I purchased a new bed. It will be my first non-water bed in 30 years. I hope this goes alright too.
Father/Mother God, thank you for all the good times and good friends my life has held.
- Mood: contemplative
First, my husband's mother passed away on August 14. That was also his birthday.
He'd been spending a lot of time online with another Etsy seller from Germany on instant messanger. He said they were just friends, and that she was married. I had the misfortune of intercepting love letters between the two of them, and some e-cards she sent to him. When I confronted him, he stormed out of the house and spent the night in his pickup truck with his gun. I was afraid he was going to commit suicide. He didn't. The next morning I tried to talk to him, and talked about going to counselling to get things back together. He said he didn't love me any more, that he just wanted to be alone. He insisted he had no plans to be with this woman from Germany, or anyone else. I don't know whether to believe him or not, but I tried several times the next several days to talk to him about healing our relationship.
He was not interested. He said he hadn't loved me for a long time. I never saw that---I thought he loved me, he acted affectionately to me with touches and kisses and more. And I loved him with all my heart. He told this woman that I never told him I loved him, never wanted to make love...all of this untrue.
I'd thought this, but it was my daughter who first said it outloud. She looks like me 20 years ago.
I still love him. I have moved my mobile home, the one we lived in together, off his property that he inherited from his family. But the mobile home is in my name, and I will have to pay for it. I am grateful that I had the money to move it. I am grateful for my friends online and at work, who supported and loved me through this.
I have filed for divorce from the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with. My son now lives with me, and I don't know how often he'll see his father. My heart is broken, and I can't see what good can possibly come from this for me, my son, or my husband. No one could possibly love him as much as I have loved him.
Karin, I know you sometimes look at this blog. So now you know. I've lost my family, my love, and my happiness. But I did discover how many people truly care about me, and I will be okay somehow. I know you have children. Don't do to them and to your husband what you have done to my family and me. I still love Jim, and I probably always will. And he knows that.
Father/ Mother God, thank you for the 20 years of happiness I did have with the man I love. Please help me to find some good out of all of this. And help Alex as he lives the rest of his teenage years without his family be as it should.
Blessings and Peace,
Jill
- Mood: sad
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